The yearn to be different ...

I was recently fighting with my mum on an international phone call. The topic - what should I wear on a celebratory occasion! My insistence was on something ethnic and in plain mumbaiya lingo, jara hatke. My mother wanted me to conform to the norm and I was strongly opposed to it.

Later I decided to look inside myself. This need to be different has been in me for far too long. It has given me sleepless nights at time and sometimes I ate my deliciously rotten foot or on some other occasions, this yearn made me a star. But, its presence I cannot deny anymore.

Just take this example - after the tragedy that struck Mumbai, many of my friends waited that I will write about it and I didn't. The reasons lie not exactly in the need tobe different but more that you cannot write this when you are mourning so deeply within. You need to give time to come to terms with the pain that your bretheren have gone through. You cannot be impartial enough to write about something you are hurting about and the wound is still oozing blood in bottles. But, when the web was overflowing, I didn't write.

I remember my Diploma Engineering days. I wasn't happy so I took up a computer course. At the course, mere classes weren't enough and/or important and I took time to take part in social activities on a large scale. I almost always carried (and to this day I do too) dual personalities in me. One, which was rather removed from the most important thing in my life at the time. The other, was thoroughly enjoying the alternative activity that I was doing! I cannot explain it. But, some may term it rebellion of a new and silent kind. I wanted NOT to do things that are mainstream in life for me. Today I really have this question - Am I a rebel? I think I am. But, then, don't we all have one in ourselves? Should it be called a rebel? Especially, given that the word has its own share of negative connotations.

I would rather call it a yearn to be different. It is just that - a yearn! An unmet need. You don't want to be doing something that every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to do. This is an utterly human tendency I think. But, importantly, every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to be different from every other Tom, Dick and Harry! Yes, everyone has a yearn. They want to stand out from this vast ocean of humanity. But, especially we Indians are constrained by the social system that we have forced upon our collective self. We all break or want to break from it at some point. Some escape from the place. Some fight it. Some make their own personal changes. Some just cannot and adapt. But, everyone wants something else. Defining that else for themselves is important to each and everyone.

I am right now listening to a favourite song of mine - Dil Se. Its about rebellion too! Its also about listening to your heart. To chase that one yearn to be different! Perfect song for the thought process, ain't it?

Let's hope we all chase our yearns and that, we make our own rebellions a sort of renaissance after which we can say - Liberty at last!